You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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