i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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