So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
