dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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