I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Randomize
