Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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