It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
