all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
