I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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