Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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