Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
