I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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