no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Randomize
