At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
