Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
