i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
NoShamevember. You game?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
