is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
