I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
