Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize