You work out of a Hotel?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
