Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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