so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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