tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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