I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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