How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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