you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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