So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
