I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
