could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I think your dad took our porno
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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