Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
