Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
