im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
