He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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