i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I enjoy the company of your penis
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