Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
