took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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