Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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