every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
