so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
