dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
