I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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