Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
