Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
