He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You have to summon your inner elephant
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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