he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
