last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
