She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
