Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
