So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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