Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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