I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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