I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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