Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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