oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
