If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
