You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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