Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
