why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
