I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
