Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
