if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
