Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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