you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
