So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
