Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
