What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
