There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
