My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
