Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
